Kill (yourself), again! – Time Waster

As a kid, at family reunions and holidays like Thanksgiving, my cousins and I used to play a variation of Super Mario Bros. that we liked to call, “Suicide Mario.” The goal of the game was not to complete the level as directed, but to find the most creative way to kill our Mario or Luigi character. Bonus points were awarded for quick, hilarious and extra sadistic acts of hara-kiri. It was a great way to infuse new life into a game that we could all beat in our sleep, and the idea eventually spun off into other variations like, “Suicide Zelda,” “Suicide Starfox” and in later years, “Suicide Golden Eye.”

This is why [adult swim]’s Five Minute’s to Kill (Yourself) easily earned its place as one of my favorite Flash games, well, ever. In that game, you are an office worker who has five minutes to kill yourself. You inflict damage upon your character by annoying co-workers, microwaving metal, stapling your head, running yourself through the shredder, that kind of thing. It’s hilarious and awesome.

Now, the game team at [adult swim] has released a sequel: Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself) 2. This time, instead of trying to kill yourself at work, you are trying to kill yourself at a family reunion. Even before I played the game, I was already in love based on the concept alone.

In the original game, you used your keyboard to move around and select objects to inflict self-injury. The new game uses the mouse instead, which offers better mobility, and I dare say might make the game a bit easier. There are also several “areas” to explore where you can slit your proverbial pixelated wrists, each area has its own unique death trabs — the beach has sharks and life-guardless pools, the pavilion has drunken relatives and hot oil, the park has fire-ant hills. You get the drill. To get certain injuries, you have to first collect items that will trigger their release. This makes the game a bit more challengng, as you have to find what someone might want before they can hit you with a baseball bat or hug your out of drunken fervor.

Real suicide is not funny. Pixelated suicide, however, is hilarious.

You can play Five Minutes to Kill (Yourself) 2 at [adult swim].com

Fun With Physics? Fantastic Contraption FTW! – Time Waster

I suffered through two years of physics in high school, and it’s not really a subject that most people would consider an exciting way to waste time on a Friday afternoon. Well, slap me silly, Fantastic Contraption proves that physics can indeed be fun!

The goal is simple: assemble your contraption in the work area (the light blue box) and propel the pink wheel into the pink box. You’re provided only a handful of simplistic components with which to build – wheels, a water-drive rod, and sticks. Assemble them like a caveman MacGuyver to reach the goal, and move on to the next level! The physics is surprisingly realistic, and the game can get quite challenging.

Registering allows you to create and save levels, and you’re given given a url that links directly to your creation so you can frustrate your friends. Unfortunately, playing other user’s saved games requires a $10 registration fee, but you’ll have plenty of fun playing the free levels.